From Streets to School Halls: I Talk Incentives, Transitional Housing & Mental Health with IQ
Our main point: mental health services for youth—especially foster youth—need to be accessible, destigmatized, and connected to real-world supports like school-based therapists, transitional housing, and concrete funding so kids don’t age out into a crisis. I (Dr. Stance) sat down with IQ from Hip Hop TV and we dug into what an MFT in a school actually does—weekly therapy, IEP-linked supports, and the benefit of being on campus every day instead of a fly-in contractor—and why that consistency matters. We talked about practical tools: incentivizing positive behavior (stipends, music splits, being in videos), making therapy relatable by having cool adults who actually look like the kids, and pointing out resources folks might not know about (hello, Department of Rehabilitation paying for school, ADHD evaluations, transitional housing). We shared some heavy real-life stories that show why this work is so essential—and why therapists need self-care, boundaries, and the occasional good laugh to survive it. We also chewed on culture and social media: kids copy what they see, so if we flood feeds with positive role models and real options, the narrative shifts. Bottom line: we kept it honest, vulnerable, and practical—how to get kids help today, keep them connected tomorrow, and build a path from hustle to legacy.
Transcript
Sam, Welcome to turn it hustle into a legacy with Dr. Stan.
Speaker A:I am lucky and fortunate enough to have my guy IQ from Hip Hop TV Bay Area Hip Hop T Y' all know you.
Speaker A:You remind me of Sean.
Speaker A: But: Speaker A:Shout out to Charles from sobe.
Speaker A:You've been posted everywhere.
Speaker A:That's how I actually found you.
Speaker A:One.
Speaker A:I'm really, really fortunate to have you.
Speaker A:One, he's a MFT marriage family therapist, counselors for those of you who don't know on top of a podcaster.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:So I really appreciate like one Educating yourself two Podcast world.
Speaker A:I actually learned a lot from you and quite a few others shout out to quite a few people making the changes my all them Quintierra just and Lord Rab shout out Just watching you guys podcast and a lot of what you talk about is definitely substance sometimes.
Speaker A:A lot of podcasters don't talk about too much substance.
Speaker A:A lot of gossip and stuff like that.
Speaker A:So if you notice my platform, I'm not really about that life.
Speaker A:I like to talk about real life, reality and substance.
Speaker A:And so I appreciate your podcast because it's a positive reinforcer that we need supposed to gossiping.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:So I appreciate you for that.
Speaker A:I've seen you on quite a few podcast shows where you're very straightforward and you just keep it real.
Speaker A:And I think you even asked me, you was like, can you ask me that one question?
Speaker A:What was it?
Speaker A:You was like, can you ask me why do people glorify certain things?
Speaker A:That to me is just ignorant to me personally.
Speaker A:And I think you wanted me to ask you that.
Speaker A:And you was like, well, what questions you gonna ask?
Speaker A:And as you can see, I'm just authentic.
Speaker A:I don't have no script.
Speaker A:I don't have nothing.
Speaker A:I'm just straight off the head because I like real conversations.
Speaker A:If I do a script, I'm gonna get nervous.
Speaker A:So welcome.
Speaker B:Makes sense.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:Genuine conversations, right?
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:I like and I feel like yours is like that too, though.
Speaker A:I've watched you.
Speaker A:Your shows are genuine.
Speaker A:Even if you do do a question ask, it's still the conversation is authentic.
Speaker A:So I appreciate your podcast and I congratulate you on your platform too.
Speaker B:I appreciate it.
Speaker A:Thank you.
Speaker A:So welcome.
Speaker B:You too.
Speaker B:You're doing your thing.
Speaker B:You're doing a great job over here.
Speaker A:Thank you.
Speaker B:Glad to be here.
Speaker B:Appreciate you having me.
Speaker A:Yeah, I was loving to have you.
Speaker A:I know homeboy Charles through so beat.
Speaker A:I've been seeing y' all actually collab and stuff like that.
Speaker A:And I'm really loving the work that you guys are doing and so shout out to Charles from sobe.
Speaker A:So, so I was just curious, you just asked me what do I do with the foster youth as everybody knows, besides my book from ho to see.
Speaker A:Oh, I got you a copy that I work with the foster youth 18 to 21.
Speaker A:And I think this will be a good topic with me and you because you're a marriage family therapist.
Speaker A:I actually, when I was gonna get my PhD, I was like, oh, I think I wanna do MFT.
Speaker A:Then I thought about, I was like, ooh, I don't know if I wanna hear everybody problems like that.
Speaker A:Cause you gotta have a temperament and the mindset to be able to separate.
Speaker A:And I'm just hecka sensitive, you know.
Speaker A:But I could tell by your personality you're able to do that, you know what I mean?
Speaker A:So tell me, what is it like being in that field working with the youth and the population that you work with?
Speaker B:It's great, I love it.
Speaker B:So I'm an mft, but for a school district.
Speaker B:So like a K through 8 school district.
Speaker B:Most of my kids are like middle school, like fifth grade and above.
Speaker B:But some are younger too.
Speaker B:But it's just super cool to be part of the school district because.
Speaker B:Because usually people in my role, they're contracted out like through an agency or something.
Speaker B:So they just come in, they see the kids on their caseload and then they leave and that's it.
Speaker B:But I'm there like every day, so I'm just like, I'm just like a regular staff member basically.
Speaker B:And like I'm going into classrooms, getting high fives from kids and stuff.
Speaker B:So if they ever do, you know, see the need, the counseling from me, then it's just like a lot more easy transition to see me.
Speaker B:And it's.
Speaker B:And what I love about it is it's free too, you know, like it would be, you know, the services that I provide, it's like 150, 200 an to go through a private practice.
Speaker B:So like meeting people like you is so cool.
Speaker B:Because the one thing for me that's tough is like once they get out of school is they lose all the services or they have to pay for it.
Speaker B:So you doing 18 and over things, it's like the kind of people I'm trying to connect with just to, you know, get other resources out there once they leave the school setting, the school system.
Speaker A:You know, I tried to get into the school systems, but what I learned, like I was Doing Stockton Unified School District in Oakland.
Speaker A:A lot of times they kind of downplay it.
Speaker A:They don't really want to let the people know who foster kids are in high schools because they feel like they'll get teased or, you know, something of that nature.
Speaker A:So I was curious, like, do they have those services specifically for foster youth in the schools that you work with?
Speaker A:Like, there's no program, huh?
Speaker B:Not really, no.
Speaker B:I mean, everybody who's in foster care, they do go to school, so it's usually like the opposite.
Speaker B:Like, I had some kids, like, just this school year, I had two kids who.
Speaker B:Who I lost foster care, unfortunately.
Speaker B:So they're with their grandma.
Speaker B:They're like a really tough situation, and then they got pulled out.
Speaker B:So then.
Speaker B:So, you know, dealing with, like, social work and that sort of thing, trying to get them placed in an appropriate place.
Speaker B:But I can't think of any kids, like, who I work with who are in foster care currently, really.
Speaker A:And I guarantee it's tons of them.
Speaker A:There's tons of them.
Speaker A:And they don't really expose it, I think, like I said, due to, you know, privacy reasons.
Speaker A:And I.
Speaker A:Unfortunately, I think that's a disservice because there's so many resources, programs like me that can help kids, especially in high school, that are in high school that need to know about transitional housing.
Speaker A:Because I've seen so many kids be homeless once they're in high school and turn 18, because, you know, they do the transition from foster care homes.
Speaker A:So 17 and below, they're in a foster care home.
Speaker A:So a lot of those people and kids are not aware of transitional housing programs like mine.
Speaker A:So what happens?
Speaker A:They age out.
Speaker A:They have nowhere to go.
Speaker A:Social workers are overworked, so they got over 30 something kids.
Speaker A:They can't find housing for all 30 kids sometimes.
Speaker A:You know what I mean?
Speaker A:So what is some advice that you would give to me?
Speaker A:School systems, like, where do you think it's lacking, like, the mental health services?
Speaker A:What could we do together collectively as people to create a better mental health system?
Speaker A:Because Alameda County, I'm gonna tell you, I don't give a dang, is the worst that I've worked with, and I work with all counties.
Speaker A:Alameda's the worst.
Speaker A:The worst.
Speaker B:Nah, it is tough.
Speaker B:I mean, I mean, everywhere.
Speaker B:San Francisco is tough, you know, but what we could do, I mean, in this hip hop space, in terms of, like, spreading awareness, that's what I'm really trying to do.
Speaker B:So, like, men's mental health awareness, Susie.
Speaker B:Men's mental health awareness.
Speaker B:Month was in November.
Speaker B:So I got some rappers on camera, like, talking about mental health and, like, me sharing their experiences and that sort of thing.
Speaker B:And again, just trying to build the resources so we can, you know, fund kind of programs when kids get out.
Speaker B:So I'm thinking like, some kind of, like, a youth center, especially in this hip hop space where, you know, maybe kids can go, like, youth or.
Speaker B:Yeah, you.
Speaker B:Uprising.
Speaker B:They have a studio in there, so.
Speaker B:So I know that.
Speaker B:Yeah, so kids can go record music, but, like, it's gotta be even more incentivized where kids, like, maybe they get a stipend for being in a program for like, eight weeks or something, or, I don't know, like 20 bucks for every A on their report card, that sort of thing.
Speaker B:Because if you're asking kids, especially kids, if they're, like, in the street getting money, like, you gotta have some kind of alternative for them.
Speaker B:You can't just pull them and be like, all right, now you gotta just be straight and, you know, live off of, you know, whatever your mom gets you or whatever.
Speaker B:So there's that.
Speaker B:And then I don't know if you.
Speaker B:I'm sure you're familiar with Russell.
Speaker B:You know how he does.
Speaker B:He gives out split sometimes to his fans.
Speaker A:I never noticed.
Speaker A:What is that?
Speaker B:So splits on his music.
Speaker B:So, you know, like, you know, everybody gets a certain percentage of the breakdowns from when a song gets played or streamed.
Speaker B:And sometimes he'll just give it out to his fans.
Speaker B:Like, now he sells them.
Speaker B:So, like, fans can buy a piece of a song.
Speaker B:But I was just thinking it'd be super cool if maybe kids could work on a song like that with, like, an artist like, LA Russell, and then just get, like, that little percentage.
Speaker B:Not even, like, to get paid, but just to say, like, oh, look at, you know, like, wherever they look it up.
Speaker B:And, like, look at my name's, like, attached to this song.
Speaker B:Or like, a reward could be being in a music video.
Speaker B:You know, if you do all these little things, then you can get me in the music video.
Speaker B:Because, like, social media is just so powerful right now with kids for them to pull out their phone, like, hey, check this out.
Speaker B:I'm in LaRusso's video.
Speaker B:You know, it's everywhere.
Speaker B:That's huge.
Speaker B:So, but.
Speaker B:But there has to be incentives for the kids to do it.
Speaker B:We can't just expect them to hop on to switch up.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:And then there has to be cool adults.
Speaker B:Like, that's a real, real important thing.
Speaker B:Like, there's got to be cool adults.
Speaker B:Who look like them, who've been through things that, you know, that they've experienced and.
Speaker B:And who are successful.
Speaker B:And like, we're talking about.
Speaker B:You said, like, why do people glorify certain things and, you know, in like, street culture, like, you know, like going to jail or, you know, not snitching, that sort of thing.
Speaker B:And it's just like, just where you grew up.
Speaker B:You know, if you grew up in other communities, like colleges is the norm.
Speaker B:Like, not going to college you looked at as weird, you know, or like, you think about religion.
Speaker B:Like, people have certain beliefs and values, so it's just like whatever you're around, you just take it in.
Speaker B:So, like, now we need more people.
Speaker B:They need to be around people just, you know, doing positive things.
Speaker B:Like, we're talking about those.
Speaker B:Cool, though.
Speaker B:So that's what I'm really trying to do.
Speaker B:It's like a.
Speaker B:It's a big mission, though, you know?
Speaker B:You know, you definitely know what's involved with it.
Speaker A:Yeah, I think that's what I try to incorporate in my program.
Speaker A:Like you said, incentivize things.
Speaker A:So that way that encourage the kids to do things.
Speaker A:Like, I have an incentive in my program.
Speaker A:You go get your driver's license, you get $30, you go get, you know, a high school diploma, you get this, or if you go get your birth certificate, just doing things responsible to help you in your life.
Speaker A:But that's interesting.
Speaker A:You said that in regards to encouraging them to go to school in.
Speaker A:I feel like in my culture or our culture, that a lot of times we complain about not maybe having money, not having the resources they are out there.
Speaker A:The thing is, I think the lack of direction, I think the lack of positive role models for our youth is what's kind of holding them back.
Speaker A:And.
Speaker A:And I think in our culture, I'm going to say the Brown community is the least educated.
Speaker A:And it behooves me, even when I was in doctoral school, there is a 1% of black women that have a PhD.
Speaker A:That is horrible.
Speaker A:And what I've noticed, this is why I really listen.
Speaker A:I forced my child to go to college because that's what a lot of the other cultures do.
Speaker A:Because if you look in today's society, what most doctors or physicians or attorneys or lawyers, they're either Caucasian, they're Indian, or they're Chinese.
Speaker A:And that's just what it is, is because their culture forces their kids to go to college.
Speaker A:The Brown community, we're the least ones to force our kids, but we complain so much and not being able to make decisions in the politic world, we're not able to make decisions as far as a doctor in a medical field, but we don't force our kids to go.
Speaker A:Like, we have that power.
Speaker A:I don't care what nobody say, Regardless if the kid comes from trauma or not, if you stick to it and encourage a child, that kid will follow.
Speaker A:They will follow and go to school.
Speaker A:So what do you think about that?
Speaker A:Why do you think our culture is the least educated?
Speaker A:And that's just statistically.
Speaker A:Why do you think that?
Speaker A:That's a good question.
Speaker B:That's a huge question.
Speaker A:Because I think about that all the time.
Speaker A:Like, why.
Speaker A:Why are black people, or just even brown people, Hispanic, black, Vietnamese?
Speaker A:Like, why are we the least educated?
Speaker A:But we do the most complaining and hating.
Speaker B:Yeah, I mean, there's both.
Speaker B:I mean, people definitely do a lot of complaining, but there's also systems.
Speaker B:Systems in place that have made it that way to keep brown and black uneducated and, you know, unaware of certain things.
Speaker B:But, like, in terms of there being resources out there, like, like you said, there are plenty of resources.
Speaker B:It's just hard to know about them.
Speaker B:So, like, for example, in the school setting, like, there's a lot of resources for parents, but most of them just aren't aware of it.
Speaker B:So some take advantage of it, but others, they just have no idea or they're just so far removed from the situation that they just don't know what was available to them.
Speaker A:It's resources for sure.
Speaker A:Because even a lot of people now shout out to.
Speaker A:I think it's the DOR Department of Rehabilitation.
Speaker A:You already aware of that.
Speaker A:They paid for my entire bachelor's and master's degree and.
Speaker B:Oh, wow.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:And I was able to literally get all of my financial aid.
Speaker A:That's probably why I'm $300,000 in debt.
Speaker A:But they paid for my bachelor's and my master's because I didn't realize.
Speaker A:This is another thing that we can discuss.
Speaker A:Like a lot of our youth when they're in school, a lot of us struggle with ADHD or add, which is Attention Deficit disorder or Attention Deficit Hyper disorder.
Speaker A:And I think a lot of us struggle with that, not even knowing that we have that.
Speaker A:Like me when I first started school, you get so eager and I'm you if you can relate because you got an mft.
Speaker A:If you can relate.
Speaker A:When I first started school, I was so excited.
Speaker A:I got my notebook.
Speaker A:I'm sitting in the front after five minutes of the teacher talking.
Speaker A:I'm thinking about some bills.
Speaker A:I Gotta pay.
Speaker A:I'm thinking about stuff to the left.
Speaker A:I'm not even focused.
Speaker A:And then that's when I realized, oh, my God, I can't focus.
Speaker A:So I went and got help myself and got diagnosed with ADHD and add.
Speaker A:And then once I did that, the department of rehab, I signed up.
Speaker A:They pay for everything.
Speaker A:So that's just word to the wise.
Speaker A:If you struggle with those things, there are resources that will pay for that.
Speaker A:What is something you can like?
Speaker A:Like, did you struggle in school?
Speaker A:No.
Speaker A:Huh.
Speaker A:You probably ain't got it.
Speaker A:You seem like you're a struggle.
Speaker B:I'm.
Speaker B:Luckily, I know I did pretty well in school.
Speaker A:You got all A's and B's.
Speaker B:A's and B's.
Speaker A:Yeah, yeah, I got A's, B's and C's.
Speaker A:Okay.
Speaker A:But, you know, I changed my major with school, though, for me.
Speaker A:What school did you graduate from?
Speaker B:Well, high school or college?
Speaker A:College.
Speaker B:College, SF State and then Cal State East Bay for.
Speaker A:That's where I went to.
Speaker A:I went to.
Speaker A:Oh, so you got your master's in.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:Oh, so Cal State East Bay, too, is where I got my bachelor's.
Speaker A:But SF is extremely hard.
Speaker A:That school is.
Speaker A:You're definitely smart.
Speaker A:You're very wise and intelligent if you graduated from sf, because I think that is one of the hardest schools in California, if you ask me.
Speaker A:It's definitely a hard school.
Speaker A:Them teachers don't play.
Speaker A:They're very smart, they're very educated.
Speaker A:So kudos to you.
Speaker A:You're a very smart, smart man.
Speaker A:Now, let's.
Speaker A:Let me ask you this.
Speaker A:I wanna shift it.
Speaker A:You're in the podcast world.
Speaker A:Do you get.
Speaker A:See, for me, with certain guests that I interview, you know, and just so you know, let me back it up.
Speaker A:The reason I actually started this platform, it's funny that you said that was for mental health services for my foster youth, because I felt like they needed.
Speaker A:They glorify social media, right?
Speaker A:And they glorify what?
Speaker A:Celebrities, right?
Speaker A:They always want to be or idolize a celebrity.
Speaker A:So in my mind, I'm like, okay, I have those live experience and they talk to me and they really love to be in my presence.
Speaker A:So I was like, you know what?
Speaker A:Maybe I can start a podcast, have my foster youth on here, invite celebrities.
Speaker A:I'm killing two birds and one stone.
Speaker A:And then, guess what?
Speaker A:Omg, that's technically mental health services.
Speaker A:It is.
Speaker A:Because talking about it is healing.
Speaker A:And a lot of people don't know that.
Speaker A:I try to create a safe space for my youth or just anybody to come in this podcast arena and just be vulnerable.
Speaker A:Do you struggle when you are interviewing different guests that you have on making them feel vulnerable?
Speaker A:Because some guests are.
Speaker A:I've struggled with that real bad,.
Speaker B:Man.
Speaker B:I get lucky.
Speaker B:Well, I mean, well, I. I lead off with that.
Speaker B:That's kind of like a prerequisite to come on my show, because, like I said, you know, I definitely want to, you know, highlight your rap career and everything.
Speaker B:But, you know, as.
Speaker B:As a school therapist, I want to, you know, get into your childhood.
Speaker B:Any, like, mental health experiences you may have or what you do in the community.
Speaker B:You know, lessons you would share with somebody who's, like, maybe just getting into the street right now, and, you know, they're kind of on that, teetering on the edge.
Speaker B:Like, what kind of lessons would you share with them?
Speaker B:So I preface it with that.
Speaker B:So.
Speaker B:So not really.
Speaker B:And then sometimes, you know, call beforehand and, like, just see what they're comfortable sharing.
Speaker B:And then.
Speaker B:So, you know, so when we're already there and I already kind of know what questions are okay to ask and.
Speaker A:What's not, Dang, I don't even do that.
Speaker A:I'm terrible, because I just be straight for the gusto.
Speaker A:I just keep it 100 all the way around.
Speaker A:I don't even prepare.
Speaker A:I don't do no research.
Speaker A:I don't do anything.
Speaker A:And I think I probably still won't.
Speaker A:I ain't going to lie.
Speaker A:I'm not.
Speaker A:Because to me, I won't be as organic because I know how I operate.
Speaker A:Do you feel like sometimes, you know, have you had guests that have maybe been hard to interview because in your mind, you feel like, okay, this person probably struggled with mental health service?
Speaker B:Oh, definitely.
Speaker B:For sure.
Speaker B:I mean, just.
Speaker A:Percy can relate to that.
Speaker B:Oh, yeah.
Speaker B:I mean, I can't say who, but they just.
Speaker B:I mean, just can't, you know, answer a question, really, or stay on topic or, you know, just.
Speaker B:It's almost like a manic episode where one thing just kind of leads to something else.
Speaker B:Or they're just like, you know, you ask about, I don't know, like, a song or something, like, oh, you know, I was a burner on that song, you know, or whatever.
Speaker B:Like, I met.
Speaker B:I met Mac Dre twice.
Speaker B:And, like, all right, I'm talking about that.
Speaker B:But they're just, you know, throwing random stuff out there.
Speaker B:So, yes, definitely.
Speaker B:It's definitely a skill.
Speaker B:But I think, you know, being a therapist helps you.
Speaker A:Oh, definitely.
Speaker A:Definitely.
Speaker A:What made you actually want to be a therapist?
Speaker A:What made you get into that field?
Speaker B:So I Always worked with kids.
Speaker B:Like my first job was like an after school or, sorry, summer camp and then like after school programs and then going through college.
Speaker B:I was just always doing like coaching or after school programs on the side.
Speaker B:And then so eventually I was like, I want to work with kids.
Speaker B:So I went into teaching.
Speaker B:Teaching at first, and then I was in the, like the.
Speaker B:I was in the last semester of my teaching program and then I would have went to credentialing after that, but then I was working in some schools where I just felt like I couldn't really help the kids because they had so much going on at home.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:Then I was talking to a professor about that and she's like, you ever thought about being a school counselor?
Speaker B:And I never even like considered it because I usually was in elementary schools and counselors are more in like high school and middle school.
Speaker B:So I looked into that and then, so first I got my PPS school counseling credentials.
Speaker A:What's pps?
Speaker B:So, so I'm, so I'm an mft.
Speaker B:So all schools have school counselors and they're, they're available for, for like little check ins or you know, drop in services if you need.
Speaker B:But they got like 300, 400 kids on their caseload and they're also academic based.
Speaker B:They're like helping kids, you know, with high school applications or, you know, scheduling classes, like finding electives, things like that.
Speaker B:So kids who, who I meet with, they need like an IEP and they need to have a mental health assessment to see if they qualify for these services.
Speaker B:And then it gets locked in for like once a week counseling sessions.
Speaker B:So.
Speaker B:Yeah, so originally I want to be like just this regular PPS school concert, like I was saying.
Speaker B:And then luckily my program was a dual program, so I got the PPS and the MFT and then just kind of fell into this role.
Speaker B:They opened up a school counseling position within the school district.
Speaker B:So, so now it's cool because like I said, I'm.
Speaker B:It's basically like a school counselor where I'm on campus all the time and like everybody knows me, but then I get to provide that weekly therapy that the school counselors aren't able to provide just because they got so many kids.
Speaker A:Mm, I like that.
Speaker A:What's the worst story?
Speaker A:Cause like you said, you interview or you, you give therapy to kids in different age groups.
Speaker A:What's the worst story that you had?
Speaker A:Because you know, a lot of people don't understand, like with the foster care world, it's a whole community and it's a Whole thing that you'll be like, ah, like it's the things you may see on tv that's fabricated, but it's real, real life.
Speaker A:What is one of your worst things that you've heard a kid say or that you witnessed with a child?
Speaker B:So.
Speaker B:So I had a brother and sister.
Speaker B:They.
Speaker B:So first of all, father was killed when the brother was like 10 months old or something.
Speaker B:So went to live with the mom in Vegas.
Speaker B:And the mom was just like super abusive to the point where she would like lock them in the bedroom and just like go out for like a couple days and just like leave snacks for them.
Speaker B:And they were like being locked in a bedroom with no bathroom, so there's like bucket for them to use the bathrooms and stuff like that.
Speaker B:So eventually they got rescued by the grandma and they came out to here to the Bay Area, and they started going to one of my schools and they're doing great.
Speaker B:And then just this past summer, the grandma called me, like the first week of school, and she was saying, like, man, I can't take it anymore with these kids.
Speaker B:Like, I'm have to give them up to the system.
Speaker A:Oh, wow.
Speaker B:So she said.
Speaker B:So she gave them a month.
Speaker B:She's like, I gave them a month to, you know, get some things in order, you know, just to change some things up.
Speaker B:And if they could make these changes and then we'll.
Speaker B:They'll stay home with me or whatever.
Speaker B:So I met with the kids and we, you know, come to look a little game playing.
Speaker B:Like, hey, seriously, if you don't, you know, make these changes at home, then, you know, you're gonna be out of there.
Speaker B:So.
Speaker B:So anyways, but then, so, you know, so we talked and we made up a little plan and everything.
Speaker B:And then just like maybe a week and a half later, the grandma calls me.
Speaker B:She's like, I'm going through with it next week.
Speaker B:So.
Speaker B:So that was super hard.
Speaker B:So, yes.
Speaker B:So, you know, so we, you know, we lost those kids.
Speaker B:But then I'll never forget the.
Speaker B:The last time I met.
Speaker B:So the last day, the last day of school and the boy who, you know, like I said, we came up with a little game plan and everything.
Speaker B:And so I met with him, you know, just trying to tell me nothing's gonna be all right and everything like that.
Speaker B:And then he says to me, he's like, I guess I failed my mission.
Speaker A:Oh.
Speaker B:And like that, like, I mean, obviously I'm talking about it right now.
Speaker B:So that's.
Speaker B:That stuck with me heavy.
Speaker B:And.
Speaker B:And just from his perspective, I just hope when he gets older, he realizes, like, he didn't really have any control in this situation, because that's gotta mess with you, you know, like, every day thinking, like, man, if I wouldn't have done this, or if I would have done something different, maybe I'd still be with Grandma or, you know, so, like, I have no idea where they're at now.
Speaker B:Like, you know, we can't get that information once they get placed.
Speaker B:So.
Speaker B:So, yeah, I would say that's probably the toughest, you know, how do you deal with that?
Speaker A:And that's.
Speaker A:I'm gonna be honest.
Speaker A:That's exactly why, you know, I felt like that industry was heavy.
Speaker A:People don't understand, like, the mental health.
Speaker A:You know, being in the mental health field is serious, and it could weigh on you.
Speaker A:How do you separate the two?
Speaker A:Like, have you ever cried?
Speaker A:Cause I be.
Speaker A:Sometimes I was crying when I first started this business.
Speaker A:I was crying every week.
Speaker A:So I had to separate.
Speaker A:I had to literally separate myself and find a way to show the kids that I love them with all my heart.
Speaker A:Y', all, my babies, y' all my puddings.
Speaker A:But also protect my mind and my energy so it won't weigh on my brain and I take it home.
Speaker A:I had to leave it there because if you take it with you now, I'm gonna start going, I need mental health services.
Speaker A:Right?
Speaker A:How do you separate the two?
Speaker A:Because that's a lot, what you deal with, and people don't really realize what mental health therapists deal with.
Speaker A:It's a lot.
Speaker A:Especially when you care.
Speaker A:When you care, it's a whole different bargain.
Speaker A:When you don't care, it's like, oh, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker A:But when you care, how do you separate that?
Speaker A:How do you separate that and not take that home?
Speaker B:It's hard.
Speaker B:One thing that I love to do is, since I work for.
Speaker B:For a school district, like, I'll just go into, like, a kindergarten class or first grade class and just say, what's up?
Speaker B:Because the kids, they go crazy.
Speaker B:They go crazy, you know, because there's not a lot of males in the school setting.
Speaker B:And especially I'm not trying to.
Speaker B:And I'm not, like, super cool, whatever.
Speaker B:Like.
Speaker B:No, you are, you know, so, like, yeah, like, they love when I come in, so I'll do that.
Speaker B:Like, that's why I always got these bracelets on, because, like, this I wear one of my work.
Speaker B:Like, probably like 20 on each arm.
Speaker B:Just because I'd say, you know, if you make me race it, I'll wear it Till it breaks.
Speaker B:So we wear them and then we, like, trade them and stuff.
Speaker B:So they'll make me want to.
Speaker B:So I'll give them one.
Speaker B:And then.
Speaker B:So stuff like that makes it easy, you know, and then, you know, just having, like, hobbies.
Speaker B:Run that Instagram page, you know, it takes up a lot of time.
Speaker B:So, you know, that's been helpful lately.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:And I got too much free time on my hands with that, so, I mean, just staying busy.
Speaker B:But, yeah, it's hard.
Speaker B:I mean, like, the kid.
Speaker B:I mean, sure, you talk about crying.
Speaker B:When that kid told me I failed my mission, like, I cried right there with him, like, and gave him a hug.
Speaker B:And, you know, it was tough, but, yeah, you know, you just definitely gotta.
Speaker B:I mean, a lot of therapists are in therapy themselves, you know.
Speaker A:I am.
Speaker A:Are you in therapy currently?
Speaker B:No.
Speaker B:But, you know, I definitely would advise it for everybody, you know, anybody can benefit from therapy.
Speaker A:Oh, yeah.
Speaker A:They say every doctor needs a doctor.
Speaker A:That's facts.
Speaker A:Like, people.
Speaker A:Why do you think people downplay therapy?
Speaker A:Like, for me, it is like.
Speaker A:Like, even I'll say, you know, with my husband, like, I.
Speaker A:It helped me so much, kind of work through our issues when we were together.
Speaker A:Like, it's just, you know, therapy is just.
Speaker A:It's a need.
Speaker A:Even my foster youth, they deny it.
Speaker A:And I don't know if it's because the people that they talk to don't have the lived experiences as we talked about or if they just be like, they don't know me.
Speaker A:You know, they too cool for school.
Speaker A:A lot of the kids, they'll talk to me, though.
Speaker A:I'll be honest.
Speaker A:Maybe because I got the lived experience and I'm very authentic.
Speaker A:Kids, they know when you're not authentic.
Speaker A:Why do you think, like, they don't want to do therapy or not even just bossing youth, Anybody.
Speaker A:What is it?
Speaker A:Some advice you can give to somebody that.
Speaker A:To encourage them that therapy is not as bad as they think.
Speaker B:Yeah, definitely.
Speaker B:I mean, well, there's always that stigma that's.
Speaker B:That's.
Speaker B:There's been heavy.
Speaker B:You know, that, like, if you go to therapy, you must have mental issues or mental problems.
Speaker B:Even the kids who see me, like, when we tell parents that, yo, in order to see him, we need to go do a mental health assessment on your kid.
Speaker B:And they're like, what does that even mean?
Speaker B:Or a mental health evaluation, like, does that mean my kid's crazy or something?
Speaker B:It's like, nah, just, you know, we just got to do these steps to.
Speaker B:And make sure he could qualify for the services.
Speaker B:But, yeah, so that the stigma's always been there.
Speaker B:You know, for males especially, like, just opening up about your feelings has always been.
Speaker A:Hard.
Speaker B:Discouraged, I guess, or definitely hard.
Speaker B:I mean, it's not hard, but it's been discouraged.
Speaker B:You know, once.
Speaker B:You know, my.
Speaker B:I feel like most people, once they start talking, they could let it out, but they just need to.
Speaker B:And then.
Speaker B:Yeah, going to.
Speaker B:What you're saying is.
Speaker B:Is having a relatable person to talk to.
Speaker B:So, like, yeah, I mean, a lot of the counselors in the school setting, unfortunately, like, I always.
Speaker B:They don't look like me.
Speaker B:I dress like this at school.
Speaker B:And so they just can't relate or they just don't want to open up, so they.
Speaker B:They just don't even give it.
Speaker B:Give it a chance, you know, it's just like some stranger who, you know, whatever, just.
Speaker B:I don't know, they just look at them, like, the system, and they just won't open up.
Speaker B:So luckily, like, what's so cool about this, like, Instagram page and stuff?
Speaker B:Kids are like, man, you got a page.
Speaker B:Like, you got all these followers and stuff.
Speaker B:Like, I see on photos of rappers and, like, so.
Speaker B:So that's cool now, too, because I got, like, principals and teachers following my page.
Speaker A:Yeah, that's dope.
Speaker B:And kids, like, I'll come to school on a Monday, they're like, hey, you went live on Saturday at some show or something.
Speaker B:Like, what are you doing watching Instagram.
Speaker B:But, yeah, so, I mean, it's.
Speaker B:So they love it.
Speaker B:They're like, hey, my therapist is.
Speaker B:Is whatever.
Speaker B:So instead of it.
Speaker B:And so you talking about the stigma, like, we reverse it.
Speaker A:Correct?
Speaker B:Like, when I go pick up a kid, every kid in class, I want to go, can I go?
Speaker B:And I'm like, I'm sorry, I can't take you guys, you know, but, like, so it's, like, making it cool so the kids feel around me.
Speaker B:Like, I'm always stressing that, you know, you talk to people and just like, it's cool to be in therapy or just.
Speaker B:Or just cool to be, like, a professional or cool to graduate from high school.
Speaker B:Cool to graduate from college and have a degree or you can.
Speaker B:Like, I got a master's degree, but I'm still hanging out with rappers on the weekend.
Speaker B:Like, you know, like, you don't have to be in the street to do stuff like that.
Speaker A:You don't.
Speaker B:So, yeah, so I'm just trying to, you know, give hope and just give other options for kids, you know, because not every school isn't for everybody.
Speaker B:I say that all the time.
Speaker A:It's not.
Speaker A:And I understand that.
Speaker A:I didn't even know it was for me and I was actually going to ask you.
Speaker A:That was my next question.
Speaker A:Because for me, the reason now I'm going to be 100.
Speaker A:I didn't even know that I was going to get a PhD in psychology with my concentration being trauma informed.
Speaker A:I thought I was going to be a nurse.
Speaker A:I said it all the time.
Speaker A:I wanted to do nursing because I was a CNA for 25 years.
Speaker A:So in my mind, like, well, if these nurses is making all this money, let me go get my nursing degree.
Speaker A:God said, nope, you're going this way.
Speaker A:I need you this way.
Speaker A:Did you have a turning point?
Speaker A:Because I know you said that you like working with kids, right?
Speaker A:What was your childhood like?
Speaker A:Was your childhood like.
Speaker A:Did it encourage you like to turn that point to be in a mental health services or the mental.
Speaker A:Just the mental health, like, arena, like, what encouraged you?
Speaker A:Because I know you said you like kids.
Speaker A:What was your childhood like?
Speaker B:I'm blessed.
Speaker B:I had a really good childhood.
Speaker B:I grew up with both parents blessing you.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:I mean, even when I was, I was a kid, I remember me like, I don't know, eight, nine years old thinking like, I was lucky to be born into this family.
Speaker B:I would think, like, man, I could have been born into any other situation.
Speaker B:And it's just like a luck of the draw that I'm in this.
Speaker B:So even at a young age I always felt like.
Speaker B:So that's kind of like why I went into this field is because I feel like there's so many people who are disadvantaged, who didn't have the same breaks that I had.
Speaker B:So instead of like, I mean, definitely everybody should be elevating, but I was also trying to close the gap too.
Speaker B:And I feel like there's a lot I can and give back and you know, and by bringing up other people, that's, that's cool me.
Speaker B:So.
Speaker B:Yeah, so, I mean, that's kind of how I got into it.
Speaker B:Luckily, I mean, my dad was like, he's like, like a, like a legend.
Speaker B:He was super cool, but he just really kept me like straight and narrow.
Speaker B:Like, even in high school, I'd have to be home at like midnight.
Speaker B:He was like, say, like, nothing good happens after midnight and stuff like that.
Speaker B:And so like talking about people who've been through it, like, he'd been through everything.
Speaker B:So like, you know, I couldn't get nothing past him or anything.
Speaker B:But he, you know, he's Just he's, you know, definitely my, my biggest influence for sure.
Speaker A:That's dope actually because to be honest, that actually speaks volume on your skillset because technically you don't have the lived experiences, meaning you didn't come from a lot of trauma by the sounds of it.
Speaker A:Like somebody like me that had a mother on dope or no father around home to home industries, prostitution, you know, hustling.
Speaker A:I come from the lived experience and can relate to the kids.
Speaker A:The fact that you don't come from that and can relate to the kids, that speaks volume, a lot of volume.
Speaker A:Because most kids, they really don't respect it.
Speaker A:They don't.
Speaker A:But the fact that they respect you and they love you because I can see why your personality is cool, you know, they respect you and love you.
Speaker A:That's pretty dope because you don't have those lived experiences coming from trauma.
Speaker A:What would you say as far as not having those lived experience to other people that definitely don't have those living experiences on how to get the kids to more or less interact with them?
Speaker A:Because you're, it's majority is like you, to be honest with you, that are in the field, the mental health field, they don't have those lived experiences.
Speaker A:That's why kids don't talk to them.
Speaker A:But they'll talk to somebody like me that does.
Speaker A:So what would you tell people like you that come from the two parent home, that come from a good upbringing on how to deal with the population that's tough in Oakland?
Speaker A:Oh, that was a good ass question, Audrey, go on stance.
Speaker B:That's a great question.
Speaker A:That was a good question, right?
Speaker B:I will say I did have my little trials and tribulations to, you know, when I was growing up as well that you know, I have actually lent some experience to what I do now.
Speaker B:But I guess, I mean just study the population that you work with and see what they like.
Speaker B:Like I remember when I was in grad school, I was interning in San Francisco where I grew up.
Speaker B:So it just made a big difference in being relate, able to relate to the kids.
Speaker B:Like oh, where'd you go to elementary?
Speaker B:Like oh yeah, like oh did you used to go to that liquor store down the corner and stuff like that.
Speaker B:So I would say like if you're working in Oakland, like drive around the neighborhood and see what's there, like see what youth centers are there or whatever and you know, who the music people are listening to or whatever, anything just that you can relate with the kids about and just, just be authentic, you know, there you go, you know, if you're not from a certain element, don't try to be like you are.
Speaker A:There you go.
Speaker B:But show that you care and, you know, and just be there.
Speaker B:Being there for the kids is really like the biggest thing.
Speaker B:You know, a lot of kids, they feel like they don't have somebody.
Speaker B:So as long as you're there and you're attentive to them, your style or approach doesn't necessarily matter.
Speaker B:As long as they know they got somebody they can go to.
Speaker A:That's facts.
Speaker A:I definitely respect that answer.
Speaker A:What would you tell our youth that are in the streets right now that we was just talking about, Glorify, you know, the wrong things, like drug dealers, rappers that are talking about, you know, heavy duty crime and stuff like that?
Speaker A:What would you tell them to, you know, have them kind of stay focused on the right things to do instead of glorifying things like that?
Speaker A:What would you tell them?
Speaker A:What advice would you tell them?
Speaker B:Well, first I would ask them, like, what are you looking forward to in the future?
Speaker B:Because I think if you have some kind of goal or something to, to strive towards and that can keep you focused, it's like, all right.
Speaker B:Well, if I know I need to have a high school diploma to do something, it's like, all right, then that's, that's your incentive to, to stay in school.
Speaker B:But what's hard is, you know, I say this all the time.
Speaker B:Like, some people, it doesn't matter what they hear or who they hear from, like, they just have to learn the hard way, unfortunately.
Speaker B:And I just always hope that, you know, that when they get that lesson, it's not when they're, you know, doing 20 years in jail or something.
Speaker B:Hopefully it's like a little slap on the wrist where they finally realize it.
Speaker B:But what it really comes down to is, is their role models and, you know, like rappers or whatever, just showing them positive ways and different outlets versus just what they know and what's around them.
Speaker B:You know, like, we're talking about, like, whatever you're closest to and what you see every day is what you're going to emulate and, and try to follow.
Speaker B:So they just need different role models and, and just different and just different outlets.
Speaker B:We're talking about, like, centers that they can go to.
Speaker B:I agree.
Speaker A:Yeah, I agree.
Speaker A:Do you have kids?
Speaker A:Are you married?
Speaker B:No.
Speaker A:Really?
Speaker A:Do you want some?
Speaker A:How old are you?
Speaker B:I'm 40.
Speaker B:Really?
Speaker B:You look good.
Speaker A:Okay.
Speaker A:You want kids?
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:Man, that's funny.
Speaker B:I used to never want to until, like the last, like, Year or two, I used to say, like, I got so many kids at work, I get my fix, you know, and I get to send them home.
Speaker B:But lately it's like, yeah, I think so.
Speaker B:Just.
Speaker B:Cause like, I've worked with so many kids and I help so many parents, like parent their kids, you know, like training them on what they could do.
Speaker B:So I feel like I'd be like a really good dad.
Speaker A:I think he'll be a great dad.
Speaker B:So it's kind of like almost like a waste of time or something.
Speaker B:So maybe.
Speaker A:You single?
Speaker A:What the.
Speaker B:Once this come out.
Speaker B:Nah, I'm just kidding.
Speaker B:I'm single for the most part.
Speaker A:Okay.
Speaker A:Okay.
Speaker A:Well, if that's the case.
Speaker A:Listen, he's single.
Speaker A:Iq, single.
Speaker A:Look him up.
Speaker A:He's a great dad.
Speaker A:Educated.
Speaker A:I'm sure you got your own place.
Speaker A:You better.
Speaker A:We ain't going to that.
Speaker A:But I'm sure he got his own mft.
Speaker A:Good dude.
Speaker A:I like to promote that.
Speaker A:Cause love is beautiful.
Speaker A:What qualities do you see with a woman?
Speaker A:And this is funny too, because you being.
Speaker A:You being a marriage family therapist, hopefully this is.
Speaker A:I'll just speak for myself.
Speaker A:Me being, you know, a philosopher in trauma.
Speaker A:I seem to attract that.
Speaker A:Like I attract all foster kids and water signs.
Speaker A:What's your sign?
Speaker B:Taurus.
Speaker A:Okay.
Speaker A:I love Taurus.
Speaker A:No one.
Speaker A:Y' all very serious people.
Speaker A:We actually get along very well.
Speaker A:You're the bull, I'm a lion.
Speaker A:We like.
Speaker A:But what was I saying?
Speaker A:Like, basically, you being single in a marriage family therapist, do you think it's gonna be hard to date?
Speaker A:Because I think if you, first of all, if you go into this field, you gotta have the discernment.
Speaker A:You are not able to just work with anybody and not have the discernment meaning their emotions.
Speaker A:Like, you gotta know how to work with their emotions.
Speaker A:Like if you see them getting upset, you gotta know how to.
Speaker A:You know what I'm saying?
Speaker A:So to me, I feel like it'd be harder for.
Speaker A:For you to date because you have the discernment.
Speaker A:And women are little slicksters these days, right?
Speaker A:So I guess my question is, being that you are single, what type of woman would you want?
Speaker A:You know, because you're so.
Speaker A:You're.
Speaker A:You're here like you have the discernment.
Speaker A:I don't give a damn what nobody say.
Speaker A:If you're in the health field and you have education in like a high level education, like being a marriage family therapist or a doctor in psychology, it's hard to date because you see through the madness.
Speaker A:You see through it.
Speaker A:Am I lying, like, you can see the movement.
Speaker A:So, you know, and I'm gonna just speak for myself.
Speaker A:Like, I can, I can smell the BS coming a mile away.
Speaker A:Do you have that same discernment where you can feel and smell when the women's are like J cats?
Speaker A:So it makes it tough for you to date and maybe that's why you single.
Speaker A:That's another good question, right?
Speaker B:Intense questions right now.
Speaker B:I love it.
Speaker B:I don't know.
Speaker B:I don't.
Speaker B:I mean, maybe for, for some people, I mean, I guess you do spot things earlier or, you know, easier or, you know, kind of see where, where people's motives are coming from.
Speaker B:But I don't think it makes it harder to date.
Speaker B:I don't know.
Speaker A:I mean, man, sometimes a little.
Speaker A:I.
Speaker A:Let me say this, I'll say harder because if you like me, you overthink a little bit.
Speaker A:Do you overthink a little bit?
Speaker B:I definitely do, yeah.
Speaker A:So I think us being in that, the industry, we have to overthink because we need to see where people, you know, everybody got different perspectives, right?
Speaker A:So sometimes I think when you're a health professional, you know, we have to look at all perspectives when this person may just be given one, if that makes sense.
Speaker A:So some people are stuck in their one way, but us being a professional, we look at all these different perspectives.
Speaker A:So for me, I'm overthinking.
Speaker A:I'm like, okay, he may have said blue, but I'm like, yeah, right.
Speaker A:It's a whole rainbow.
Speaker A:What are you talking about?
Speaker A:Like, you just talking about blue when it's a whole rainbow.
Speaker A:And that's probably why you struggle with the shit that you struggle with.
Speaker A:But I'm curious.
Speaker A:Like, I say hard to date because in today's society, I feel like a lot of people got motives.
Speaker A:Do you struggle with that?
Speaker A:Like, some people aren't as genuine.
Speaker A:Maybe you think it's a culture thing or environment thing.
Speaker B:Like, I think social media has a lot to do with this.
Speaker B:I mean, I, I worse.
Speaker B:There's people now who, who they want to do things just to post on social media, you know, like instead of going on a hike for the, you know, the sake of going on the hike or the exercise or views.
Speaker B:It's just like they want that photo at the end to post because everybody else has it on their page.
Speaker B:Or like, you know, you go out to dinner with somebody, you about to dig into your food and like, hold up, I gotta get a photo.
Speaker B:It's like, come on, I'm guilty.
Speaker B:Or like, I mean, people you know, they buy stuff.
Speaker B:I was with the chick before she, I'm like, had to buy like certain cups or whatever.
Speaker B:I'm like, why?
Speaker B:You know, because it's like popping on Instagram right now, you know, like that's what they're all doing on social media.
Speaker B:So that definitely plays a huge role.
Speaker A:Very much so.
Speaker B:And going back to like kids too, like they're influenced by social media and like what we're saying is like what you grow up around is you, is what you kind of emulate.
Speaker B:But now you could be living anywhere and just pull up people on social media who are just, you know, from, from anywhere.
Speaker B:So basically like whoever you're following or you know, what the algorithm feeds you is where you're getting your values from.
Speaker A:Absolutely.
Speaker A:And that's the struggle I struggle with, with social media, you know what I mean?
Speaker A:But before we go, I wanted to know if you can tell these kids one last words of encouragement to stay on the right path.
Speaker A:Kind of like what you spoke about before and like keep their head on the swivel.
Speaker A:What is something that you would tell them before we go?
Speaker B:I know it's super hard to just hear advice from older people, but just, I mean if 10 people all tell you the same thing, like they probably know what they're talking about.
Speaker B:But you know, going back to, I was saying, like some people are just hard headed and they got to learn a certain way.
Speaker B:But I, sometimes I'll talk to kids, like say like a middle schooler, I'm like, all right, you're in eighth grade now.
Speaker B:Like imagine a fourth or fifth grader trying to tell you about middle school.
Speaker B:Like, would you, would you listen to them?
Speaker B:Or like, you know, it's like, no, like when I flip the situation, whatever.
Speaker B:If you're telling, or you know, a middle schooler telling you about it, would you listen to them?
Speaker B:Like, yeah, of course, you know, because they've been through it.
Speaker B:Like, all right, so same thing, like somebody who's 23, 24, they've definitely been through what you've been through at like 14 or 15 right now.
Speaker B:So that's what I would just, you know, like if, if you just try to like pay attention to those lessons or just like let them sink in or, or just don't like let it go over your head at least just, you know, like take the time to listen to it because especially if someone is taking the time to, to share it with you, like, you know, that means that they care about you.
Speaker B:So just take those things a little more Serious, I would say.
Speaker A:I like that.
Speaker A:I like that.
Speaker A:Well, at least not cute.
Speaker A:I definitely thank you for coming.
Speaker A:I want you to continue doing the work that you do for our community.
Speaker A:It's needed.
Speaker A:As you know, we definitely got to connect with our foster youth and your youth that you work with.
Speaker A:You know how to find me.
Speaker A:You know where to find me.
Speaker A:So let me know if you any.
Speaker A:I would love to come speak at the schools if you want, and I would love for you to speak in my program.
Speaker A:Like, I have a mentorship program within my nonprofit with Ms. J. I don't know if you've seen the cute little lady I just interviewed, but we have a mentorship program where we try to teach them about, you know, health, wealth, money, everything.
Speaker A:How to buy a house, you know, how to keep your head on the swivel and do right, how to, you know, get away from domestic violence.
Speaker A:So we would love for you to come and speak.
Speaker A:And I just.
Speaker A:I just thank you for coming and, you know, just sharing your experiences with troubled youth because it's needed.
Speaker A:I definitely appreciate you for just putting awareness on what you deal with at work.
Speaker A:So we appreciate you for coming.
Speaker B:I appreciate you having me, and.
Speaker B:Yeah, definitely.
Speaker B:I definitely like to talk to him.
Speaker B:That'd be cool.
Speaker A:Yay.
Speaker A:All right, my guy.
Speaker A:Give me some.
Speaker B:All right.
Speaker B:Appreciate it.
Speaker A:Boom.
Speaker A:All right, y', all, we out.
Speaker A:Thank y' all for tuning in with Dr. Stan.
Speaker A:To turning your hustle into a legacy.
Speaker A:We out.
